There’s a song.

There’s a song by 5 Seconds of Summer,
It’s called wherever you are.
It was the song that introduced them to me
And I’ve loved them ever since.
But for the past few weeks, the song has become more than that.

Suddenly the words seem relevant.
Suddenly the words cut into walls of false security
Making me think about what is to come.
And maybe this song wont’t ring true, years from now.
But right now they do and my fanatic heart is struggling to believe otherwise.

My voice is raw with the songs I’ve sung to communicate my pain to no one else but myself,
Because the fear of letting you know just how strongly I feel
Consumes me.

What if I scare you away?

Thoughts pushing themselves forward,
Each one worse than the last,
Perpetuating this spiral of descent into the idea that you don’t,
no,
You can’t love me.

And when the little voice of innocence approaches,
Sweetly asking “why”,
It is attacked by vicious reasons,
That like wild fire,
Are suddenly all around it,
Burning,
Creating embers,
And ashes of logic,
Leaving me hopeless.

My body twists,
Turns,
Screams,
Pleading for you to hear me,
All the while hoping,
That you don’t.

My anxiety holding me hostage,
Yet again,
Telling me,
Don’t ask him,
Don’t bother him,
Don’t expect him,
For in this world,
You are truly alone.

Anything and everything he says,
Is a joke,
Don’t believe it,
Don’t let yourself be pulled in once more,
But my heart refuses to let itself be proved wrong.

It pleads to me,
“Give him a chance”,
So as my hands tremble,
And my eyes trickle,
I open my phone to text you,
Tell you how I’ve been.

There’s a song by 5 Seconds of Summer,
It’s called wherever you are.
It was the song that introduced them to me
And I’ve loved them ever since.
But for the past few weeks, the song has become more than that.

Suddenly the words seem relevant.
Suddenly the words cut into walls of false security
Making me think about what is to come.
And maybe this song wont’t ring true, years from now.
But right now they do and my fanatic heart is struggling to believe otherwise.

 

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