Change of heart

Part 12 -JC

Their hut was small and cozy, but it felt like home.

Traci played some music and lit up some candles, while I and JC made dinner.

“JC, you and your wife are just beautiful together.”

He chuckled as I said that, “Sure seems like it doesn’t it.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“Well, kid, I and Traci have had our own fair share of hardships. You see, once upon a time, that savior complex of mine got the better of me. She left me for it. I kept fighting for what’s right and slowly she began to go further and further away from my mind.”

“You put things before her, made other people more important to you than she was. How could you do that to her?”

“Well, I don’t have a good excuse. It wasn’t that I didn’t love her. I did. I just felt this odd sense of compulsion to help as many people as I could and because of that I almost let her leave my life forever.”

“How could she forgive you after you’d done that to her?”

“Kid, I wish I knew. I had pushed her so far away from me, I had no idea how I was ever going to get her to give me another chance. I knew I had fucked up, fucked up by putting other above her, fucked up by letting my insecurities push her away. I was in the deep rut, but I just had to go fight for her. I loved her and I knew she loved me, and if she did once, just maybe I could get her to love me yet again.”

“So, what did you do? How did you stop feeling ashamed of what you’d done?”

“I still do. I still can’t understand how I’d almost ruined something so good in my life. But she reminds me every day that I should forgive myself. That I’ve redeemed myself. Her stubborn nature to always forgive me and remind myself to forgive is what’s kept us going.”

I stood there in silence, my heart felt heavy. I wish I could be as strong as JC was, to admit to his mistakes and fight past his ego to go and admit to Traci he had fucked up. Every day I had watched Ana, walk by me, smile at me, and then look the other way. I had managed to convince myself that I had forgotten all about her when I walked with pain in my heart. I wanted my best friend back, even if we couldn’t have the relationship I wanted it to be, I wanted my best friend back. I missed her.

A love song I recognized began to play behind me, and I heard soft hums. I turned around to see JC and Traci, her sitting on top of him on a sofa. Head on his chest, she was whispering the words to my heart will go on and on. He caressed her arm, looking down at her, eyes shimmering.

I needed to get out of this world and back to mine. I wanted Anastasia back in my life.

I tip-toed my way out of there and began sprinting to the edge of the cliff. The wind blowing harshly on me, almost blowing me away. As I reached the edge, I looked down at the immensely tall waves rushing towards the beach yet again.

I spread my arms wide open and fell.

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