Part 9- Ten
When Roy became bored of me, he rushed back to Roseanne and he did Roseanne hurried far away from Ten. I could see the disappointment in his eyes, the hurt.
It clicked in my head that the only reason Ten would be this hurt is-
“You aren’t Roy’s father.”
Ten became stiff for a while before he answered, “No, I’m not.”
“But you both love one another.”
“It doesn’t matter. She will never accept me into her life, even if she does love me. She has her kid, an entire rebel army, and I’m just a distraction.”
“SO, WHAT? You both are just going to ignore how you feel for one another because she has more stuff to worry about. How is that going to help anything? You can’t, it’s close to impossible. You can’t ignore the pain and anguish you feel, being unable to be with the one you love. It’s going to haunt you and her for each day of your life.”
I was about to unleash all my repressed anger when Ten slammed me into a wall.
“You think I don’t know that. You think it doesn’t drive me insane that I have to stand on the sidelines. That I can’t comfort her when she stresses herself over how she’s going to create a better future for her child. How even if I try, she will never accept my love or my care. She will push me away again and again, because somehow it’s simpler for her to keep me far away.”
With that, he stormed out of the room and left me thinking about just how big of a hypocrite I was. Roy was still scrambling around Roseanne’s feet, as she tried to catch him. She looked up at me for a glance, grim smile on her face.
I wanted to talk to her, to tell her she shouldn’t be trying to push love away, but all I could hear in my head that I was a liar. I said all these things to people that hardly knew me, yet never once had I implemented these things in my own life.
I took my feelings for Anastasia as a right, as something I was fully allowed to do and I pushed it far below because it was simply easier to feel like I’d rejected her. That I had been the one to send her away, when in truth, I was scared she would have done that to me.
Maybe she could have loved me and I just kept pushing her out, just like Roseanne was doing to Ten.
I looked back at her with a fake smile, shrugged my shoulders and began trying to catch Roy as well.