Is that even a word? Idk. I’m quite wacky to be honest.
Anyways the point of today’s post was that as I usually do when I’m sad, I grab a couple of friends and go to this really ratchet dance studio type place, where for sometimes hours on end we just sit and talk and dance and feel free.
Today while I was there this old man, and I mean old, like as old as maybe our grand fathers, he sat down with me and talked to me about quite a lot of things but what hit me the most is this story he told me. Probably because he told me I resemble the girl in this story, just a random reminder I’ve never met this man before and here he was, knowing me better than most people in my life.
I wanted to share the story with you guys, simply cause I think it’s worth knowing, its very cliched, if I must say. But I love old people telling me stories, is that just me? Maybe. But here goes nothing.
A girl sits on her window perch of her big house. She can hear her parents arguing upstairs, once again. She dangles her legs out, wondering just how much it would hurt to jump. She sits there for hours,until she hears the pitter patter of little baby steps. Her little brother. Her little ball of hope. At least he was.
She turns to see his face, holding a ball of yarn to his nose, sniffing it as though he were a dog.Such a little baby, how could she leave this innocent soul behind.
She climbs back inside and swoops her little brother and goes into the kitchen. She needs to make some dinner for the two of them, the parents are going to be too busy fighting to notice them.It’s the daily ritual. She doesn’t expect that to ever change.
She finds a can of baby food and a tiny spoon and begin to feed the gurgling tiny infant, while making random noises to coax him into eating his spinach flavored mush.
Their arguing continues even as she tries to put her little brother to sleep. He continues to cry, even as tiny as he is, he knows something is wrong with his family or maybe he’s just hungry, after all he lacks motherly love, doesn’t he? But she coddles him and sings soft lullabies and tells fairy tales of a perfect world.
Slowly he falls asleep and so does she, hoping for a better world, yet expecting nothing.
The next day she wakes up to see that the house is empty and silence surrounds her. Her little brother, gone. She runs around the house hoping to find him somewhere, her parents , anyone. Yet she finds no one. Everyone is gone. They left her behind, in an empty house. And while her heart is breaking inside, she puts on a smile and silently prays to god that doing this will solve all their problems.That they won’t argue anymore, that her brother will be loved and cared for, that her family will be happier. Even if it meant she wouldn’t be a part of it. After all, she had long understood in her head, that she didn’t deserve goodness or happiness. They say the truth hurts and yes it really did, but she knew now and that is how she learned to live.
She walked out of her house and roamed on the barren roads, yet noises rose far above anything she had heard before. Strangers looking out for one another, a boy comes towards her and says “Hello”. He offers her friendship and she takes it, he offers her a happy smile and for once she is selfish.
They soon become close, simply inseparable, all the while her parents, her family, know nothing about her. They sat at their new home, crying for a daughter they wanted to lose, telling her brother, that she walked out on them even though they knew it wasn’t true.
And while for once, she begins to live, her family already begin to bring her down.
Listen closely now beta,the story is still far from the end.
The girl finds her family, and the brother she used to hold so close, hates her. He turns his face from her, her parents disown her and yet they lock her up into her cage.
A servant as she was once before, yet now she longs for more.
One day while she sits in her room, she hears soft whispers, telling her to follow. She rises from her dark empty palace and begins to walk aimlessly. Until a soft light falls on her face, and for a few seconds she is blinded, scared even. But then soft hands hold her face and ask her to open her eyes. There she sees him, her friend. The boy. He is here. Here to take her away from this void. She questions nothing , simply follows.
Alas this beautiful girl fails to realize, life is not nice. Life gives her downs that one simply can’t fly away from. How she does, is a question all ask, beta are you listening to me, I’ll give you the answer, she is a beautiful angel. Without knowing her wings spread and let her rise from worlds that would make other souls cry.
Cry out in pain, for the torture can make them go insane.
She escapes her black hole every now and then with this boy. She smiles. She laughs. But before she can notice, her father is hatching another evil plan.
The next morning when she looks for her friend, so that she can once again leave.She can’t find him. Her father enters at the very same moment and tell’s her he’s left her because she isn’t worth anything. Because she is just a burden that he couldn’t deal with. She cries. She cries for her friend. She cries for being left yet again. Little does she know, he is dead.
Someday she will, but for now she learns to trust no one except herself.
Beta, the girl becomes stronger than anyone I have ever known. She becomes a beautiful woman, yet she deals with so many issues it’s surprising she can even breathe. Many come into her life and many leave, many try to comfort her, yet she herself has lost all hope in ever finding what she needs.
She lives today, tomorrow and the day after. She watches her brother grow into a bigger monster.Soon he too joins with her parents, in belittling her. Bringing her down. The people she meets agree with their views and soon she feels like she is the animal in a zoo, that everyone mocks and laughs at but can never love.
People throw her away after they have used her and she believes that is what she is worth and so while she cries in silence while she hides in the corners of her room, she moves on with life. Thinking the worst about herself, it’s a miracle she didn’t leave. She could have, but like I told you before beta, she is an angel. No matter what we did to her, she always cared for our kind. Humanity; all she was trying to find.
I see that this hurts you, but beta it’s OK just like in any story she will live to see a happier day. I will start to rush , for I don’t know how much longer you will be able to sit here, before tears appear.
She finds a boy and though she didn’t need him to lift her up, she did need him to show her, just what a miracle she was.I will not go into the details of their relationship, I will just tell you some things, and that is all that matters. They were in love. They put the other first. They fought about things that were selfless and selfish at the same time, for their life only moved on if the other’s moved on as well.
She is scared though, all her life, life has just taken, hardly given. Given something without hurting her in the end. But he fought, fought to stay, fought to be with her forever, maybe he was life’s worst gift to her, for she couldn’t have loved anyone or anything more then she loved him.
The angel that she was, she loved him dearly every day until the day he too would be taken away from her. He died, an old man in the arms of the woman he loved. The woman he would someday see again. She was an everlasting beauty, for even as she cried, anyone who saw the moment wouldn’t believe that her husband had just died. They were all stuck in the moment as they saw an angel fall. Fall from her heavenly glow into something curled up into a ball.
Life had finally won.
Random side note- Of course he didn’t use these exact words or the exact flow that I have written it in but the story is the same. Each place there is a line and a continuation is my way of saying at this point he stopped to talk to me, just so he knew I was still listening to him.
At the end of the story he looked at me and told me that I too could survive several things in life as I had proved I can. He looked me in the eyes, with tears glistening behind them , as he told me that I too should love my person as wholeheartedly as the angel had. For inside me, lives an angel as well.
You know ,what hit me the most, was that this man sounded so sincere as though he truly believed everything he had told me, but the next words he said truly broke my heart. He looked down to his lap and he said-
"My mother was a beautiful angel as well, you remind me of her, child. I wish you the best."
And with those words, he left me sitting there in utter shock with tears in my eyes.
I don’t know why that story affected me so, maybe because of the several parallels with my own life, it might be why this affects me more than it might affect any of you.
As this blog is an extension of my emotions, I wanted this story here.
I don’t really know the purpose of this story being here or what I wanted to achieve. I think I just wanted all of you to know, that just like this man believes in me, I believe in all of us. Humans. Together. We all could be angels or demons, they both harbor within us and yes I know that this line has been repeated in a variety of ways over and over again, but clearly we still need the message to be passed on. So many beautiful people doubt themselves, wonder what they truly are worth, damaged by the things society has told them. But darling, we are the society. We all are and if all of us can be either good or bad, why are we hoping for someone else to do something we can start.
I want to say I believe. I believe in a better world for all of us. Not just for me, but as a species, as a unity of creatures that belong on Earth that have the capacity to feel emotions and make judgments. All of us can be part of something so much more meaningful than just our daily lives.Maybe this is just a stupid young girl trying to keep her innocence and faith. But I can’t allow myself to agree to that, for I want better, not just for me and not just for the people I love but for all of us. I’m going to try and do what I can and I just hope that other’s do the same.
Anyways. See ya later butterflies.
Have a good day or night. ❤