She was the epitome of selflessness.
If she lived in the book Divergent she would be in Abnegation without a doubt.
She was the Savior of man.
Yet man is what led to the her doom.
Analeyse. Her name itself meant one full of grace and mercy. She exuded these traits flawlessly in her life. Even though, convince her of this I never could.
Today I tell her story.
Her last story.
The story I call, Slivered Grace.
It was the night when Ana rushed into my bedroom screaming for me. Clumsily crashing into anything that was in visible sight. I rushed out of bed to reach out to her, to ensure she didn’t hurt herself. When I finally caught hold of her hand, she fell and I fell with her. “Jackson, you’re fat” she grumbled from beneath me, her voice slightly higher than normal. I rolled off of her and only then did I begin to question as to why she was in my room in the first place, not that it was uncommon. Ana was my betrothed , but due to old customs we had to sleep separately until we got married. This lead to a lot of late night sneaking into one another’s rooms. We would then just hold one another in a tender embrace talking about what the future would hold for us and then let the night take us into deep sleep.
But what was odd is never in my life with Ana have I ever seen her be so clumsy. It simply wasn’t Ana. Analeyse had the elegance of a swan swimming in the lake, her walk seemed as though she were dancing in flower fields and for her to be so clumsy meant something was horribly wrong.
“Ana, what is the matter?”
“Nothing my love, I was just scared.”
“Ana, I have never seen you be so scared of something that you became a two left footed atrocity, therefore I must ask you again, what is the matter my love?. You seem as though a string in your heart has shattered.”
“Jackson that is what this fear feels like, someone has betrayed us, and we are doomed. I can feel it Jackson. I can see the pain washing in through the windows and entering my heart.”
I knew it was wrong but at that moment I cursed, I cursed at Ana for the trust she gave out, giving it to many that didn’t deserve it and now due to her own powers, she could see the pain of this betrayal. She must have seen my anger for she embraced me at that moment and whispered –
“I’m sorry my love, but I am who I am Jackson, how could you ask me to be any different?”
“Ana, how many times has this happened before, you never listen, you must try for your own safety to not be such an open book for all to read.”
“My love”, she purred in my ears,” I must do what I want the world to do, otherwise how am I any different from them.”
“Why must you believe the words they say, when you can see that they are faking their sincerity?”
“Because Jackson someone has too believe no matter what the cost.”
“Ana you sound the most naive, these people use your innocence and turn it against you,they exploit your constant second chances, how, how can you forgive them?”
“The same way I forgave you my intended,by simply choosing to do so. I forgive and give chances for that is the only way I know to change the outcome. Let people make mistakes and make them again and again, until they feel guilt and shame and once they repent they will change. I know this will happen soon with these folks as well.”
“My love, you are far too kind. Don’t bring up these memories old, I still hurt thinking about them. Yet you must realize, you can see it after all can’t you, they feel no guilt.”
“I know Jackson, but that is what I wait for. To see their guilt. I will believe and believe until I see guilt or I see that they have reached the point of no return.”
“Ana, there are promises that will never be fulfilled.”
“But they are promises they make, and as one who believes for the best I will hope for them to fulfill it.”
“How many times have you fallen for broken promises Ana?” I began to get up anger soaring to my head , “And when will you stop?!”
“When the world ends, when I end, when my spirit dies. Then my precious Jackson will I stop falling for the words that hold no meaning.”
I remember that night vividly. After she said those words to me I felt nothing. A person like her I have always admired to be, but when I saw the amount of pain it caused her I wished for her to be like everyone else. Selfish. To care for herself. To put her first even before me. But everything went numb when she said those words to me, as for the first time in my life, I could see her.
I could see determination swirling within her, like little beads of red and orange, alongside the sky blue of kindness. The sky blue seemed to be a base for her emotions, every other emotion only grew like plants over soil on top of it.
I glanced toward the direction of her heart and I was left in shock. It was black. Black and slowly dripping like a constant gush of water into the sky blue and then disappearing.
“Ana, why is your heart black?” I spoke in whispers as I was awe stuck by the sight. Her body shuddered and I could see a smokey grey colour slip into her body and I spoke again before I could understand what I myself was saying –
“Ana you need not be scared, I’m sure whatever that blackness is it won’t take me away from you.”
With a shift of her feet and her head slowly raising to look at me once again. She confessed,
“Darling the blackness is emptiness, it’s pain, its misery, it’s what life has taught me. It’s colour being equivalent to evil, the only difference being that this black is jet black. I have a jet black heart and a hurricane of reasons underneath it.”
I stood gobsmacked. It’s not that I didn’t know her life was filled with difficulties but I never knew they had pushed her so far that no matter the colours that surrounded, the blackness remained. I was overwhelmed and I don’t know what she saw in me but all I saw was green.
A bright faire green. Twinkling in her sky blue. Then before I could comprehend it she was in my arms embracing me, yet today it felt so much more intimate. I felt so much closer. I felt like I’d finally gotten to know her even if it had been years that I have been her’s. I saw her pain and at that moment something in my head clicked.
“Ana, what’s the colour of my heart?”
She looked down and I heard a hitch in her voice before she mumbled-
“It’s dark white.”
“Dark white?, You mean grey?”
” Dark white. It used to glow much brighter once. It’s dulled because you stopped believing my love. You stopped believing in a better world.”
Just as I was about to say something, the door to our home banged open.
“Darling I must tell you right now , no matter what happens tonight promise me, you will try to believe once again. I beg of you to do so. I’m sorry , there is so much more I want to say, but I fear our time seems together seems to be ending.”
“Ana, what are you talking about?”
“The betrayal Jackson, it’s consequences are about to happen.”
As soon as she said those words I noticed the pixels of red fluttering outside the door of my room.Then with a loud slam, we both were exposed to the men standing behind. They spoke nothing, they stampeded their way inside and I lost my hold on Ana. I was blinded by the pixels of red, while I kept looking for my sky blue.
I saw her from the corner of my eye, being dragged and pushed to walk on further. She kept tripping, her feet bleeding and her body majorly crimson red due to the pain that she felt. Yet not once did I hear her scream out for me or for anyone else to help.
I ran through the door following my Ana. Trying to get these gorilla-men away from her but alas I wasn’t strong enough and soon I was left to lie on the road as a broken man and watch them take away the woman of my dreams.
It was 2 weeks, the next time I saw her. Her feet,crippled, as though someone has constantly made her walk on rocks and tried to ruin the grace my beautiful Analeyse would exude otherwise. For today as she walked up onto the stage, she seemed to be nothing short of a crippled woman, broken by these dangerous men.
When she got on stage, I noticed her scan the crowd that was slowly gathering. She could possibly see the shock they all were receiving from seeing her in this state. Her eyes suddenly shot from the right, where she was looking, straight into mine. I stood there, watching sadness flow into her but not once did her gaze waiver from my eyes.As he put a noose around her neck, I saw that same kindness and determination. Before they hung her she shouted-
“I still believe. My love I still believe and so must you.”
As I saw love swell up her body, her gaze return to my face, she mouthed to me, “Look at my heart”, which is exactly what I did. In the next seconds the floor beneath her fell and all I could do was stand there and watch how her jet black hurt had slowly turned to a bright shining white, just before she died. Like everything else in her life Ana took her death with Grace.
Gone now was my Analeyse.
Leaving her last words to haunt my mind.
Left alone I am,
To wonder how much I’ve failed,
This world took her away.
A believer in all things good.
No matter how much it hurt her,she never stopped believing,
But her death took away any belief I had for the people in this world.
So today as I sit alone.
And I try to forgive.
I shall try to believe.
5 centuries too late,
And the beginning of this new change in my life,
I start with the last story of my Analeyse.
Follow me, won’t you?
To fill the world with love?
After all what I’m simply stating,
Is I long for no one to have a jet black heart.
*If you catch the reference is this story mention it down below in the comments
and I don’t know, I’d just be happy to see how many of you caught it.