I’m not sure anymore.

Have you ever felt this way,

This aching throb in your heart,

Where you are just lost ,

Not sure what to do anymore,

———

Have you ever felt this way.

The need to pull a blade across your bare flesh,

You say it eases the pain,

Yet you just cause more,

———

Have you ever felt this way,

Looking out your window,

Seeing the beautiful world,

Hoping you won’t have to be a part any longer,

———

Have you ever felt this way,

A sense of being trapped,

Even though you have the freedom to go where ever you want to go.

Yet you are the one who wants to say inside forevermore,

———

Have you ever felt this way,

Like you don’t have a choice,

That this pain is something you are worthy of,

That this feeling is something you need to live by,

———

Have you ever felt this way,

When you see someone’s face

To just remove that smile,

And show them the dark side of this universe,

———

Have you ever felt this way,

Just tired,

Feeling sleepy always,

Yet sleep eludes you every day,

———

Have you ever felt this way,

Not being able to explain this feeling,

People call you crazy,

But you’re not; this feeling exists,

———

Have you?

Have you ever felt like you were spiraling out of control,

That you don’t love the person you are anymore,

That you are all alone,

That no matter what they say they will always think you’re faking,

———-

Do you feel like a monster resides within you,

Do you feel like some dark force stirs within you,

Do you feel like if you let your rage out that it would cause misery to several other?

Do you feel like no one understands?

—————

I do.

Every day,

Every minute,

Every second,

Some days the feeling washes away,

And you mistake it for happiness finally coming your way,

But alas you were wrong,

You are wrong,

It was having some rest just to come back harder with more pain,

And then there you are again sitting in that lonely corner,

Once again you resort to the blade,

To the drugs,

To the drinks,

You go back to your once upon a time best friends,

You push,

Push every person out of the way,

Until they just leave,

Next time they look your way,

They whisper rumors and rude remarks,

It bothers you and you go home

Laying in the arms of your best friends once again,

They help take the ache away,

Even if only for a few moments,

You make them stay,

Make the effect linger just a little longer,

And once it goes you do it again to feel to the epiphany of relief

Then you put the blade,

The box,

The bottle,

Away in a place where you can sneakily use it again,

———

Have you ever felt this way?

Have you ever done this?

Have you ever tried to escape,

Only to be pulled back,

For this side seems so much more safer,

So much more comforting,

Now it’s to late ( that’s what you say) ,

It’s not

Get help,

Please babe I love you,

Their words replay in your head,

You shut your eyes and cut,

Swallow,

Drink,

For one last time,

The deed is done,

Now others join in the mess you’ve created,

Now they follow your path,

Everybody’s depressed,

Everybody’s in pain,

Now they feel,

What you once felt,

And no one utters a word,

As they sit in their homes in that corner,

Silently scratching,

Swallowing,

Drinking,

Till their lives come to a halt,

And humans cease to exist on this planet anymore,

All that remains are dead souls,

In robotic bodies,

Repeating their daily tasks,

Monotonously,

Not caring about what goes right anymore,

Not caring about what goes wrong,

Just repeating their daily tasks,

Until the day they are gone.

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