Hello internet 😄
Have u ever felt like Ur stuck in a void nd Ur just not sure what is the first step out??
If u have it’s how I feel right now .
Things surrounding my life seem like a blur and I can’t motivate myself to do anything except stay awake and some days I can’t even do that, I’ve lost interest in things I used to love doing, I don’t try and fail to mix music anymore, I don’t try to understand someone and find out why they are acting this way, I’m not dancing like a crazy being,I’m not letting my imagination run wild
My only consolation is the internet and my writing,and that sucks! I want to dance, I want to hop,I want to sing loud and scream and shout, yet for some reason there is just No life within.
People tell me when u No longer want to do things u loved doing Ur depressed, am I depressed??
My phyc thinks I might have ptsd for those who don’t know, that stands for ” post traumatic stress disorder”, Ya according to him I’ve seen and felt “too much” at such a “young age” is his reasoning for me having it. He told me I need to talk, talk to someone who cares about me or talk to a complete stranger but I should tell them my story and what I really feel…
U see my whole life I was the shy ,mysterious kid who didnt talk to anyone and was socially awkward, to hide the Shit and pain I deal with, the real me never really got the chance to be me ( ya i make no sense do I). Now when im the real me the crazy hyper happy person , more pain was given to me as a way of sayin DON” show the world the real u and i can slowly feel myself turning into the old me again , the old me that talked to no one except those 2 people i trust more than anyone else….
I DON’T WANT TO BE HERR AGAIN!!!!
I like this me , the real me and people like the real me too and this is who i want to be but at the same time im scared , scared that the more i live this way im gonna get more pain and lose people i love the most and i know thats stupid and silly people who love u will never leave you right??
UHH i worry too much and dats really stupid too…
i just want to be back in hyd more than anything with the people i love , yet at the same time i want to be here with these amazing new friends who seems soo close to me and the amount of care they have shown for me in the few months ive been here, amazes me.. in every possible way gurgaon does not feel like home to me like Hyderabad but when im at school or around these guys i want to stay here.
I’m not stupid , i wont post my story here cuz thats crazy, maybe ill give hints here and there but atleast ill put it out there , i think i really need to becuz its killing me inside, all this guilt and sadness from years before now up to today…
Well good bye Internet and dont keep the sadness within 😦